A Cougar's 10 Relationship Tips For Guys

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Here are my favorite 10 relationship tips for guys: 1) Communication is key. Nobody is a mind reader and talking is the only way of knowing what’s on someone’s mind. Become aware of her body language as well. If she’s telling you everything is fine, yet her eyes are glaring and her hands are on her hips, you’ll know that it’s not “all good.”

2) Trust is very essential. If you know you have each other’s back, your relationship will thrive. Don’t lie, cheat, or be dishonest.

3) Say you’re sorry and admit when you’re wrong. This is a biggie. If your need to be right is more important than your woman’s feelings, you both lose. You’ll both win if you can compromise and see each other’s side.

4) Take care of yourself physically and mentally. She wants to be with a happy balanced man and if you aren’t, it’ll affect your relationship. Like on an airplane when the oxygen masks drop, you’re always supposed to put it on yourself before placing it on others.

5) Be kind and respectful to each other. Keep your cell phone out of your relationship.

6) Have fun and stay positive. She’ll want to be around you if you’re happy and fun to be with.

7) Make time for yourself – don’t lose your identity, your friends, or passions.

8) Stay sexual with your partner and always make her feel sexy and desirable.

9) Be thoughtful with cards, gifts, and small tokens of affection.

10) Remember that fighting is ok, but don’t let issues fester. You may need to take a time out and when you come back, LISTEN to each other.

Be her best friend. Enough said!

Male Porn Star's Tips On Oral Sex

Who knows more about kissing and giving a girl great oral sex than someone like Derek Pierce, a porn star who's had sex with over 3500 women? This video contains the best sex advice for men and the women who want to teach them! Derrick Pierce and I talk about why "eating pussy" is his favorite sex activity and his 6 tips for being great at kissing and oral sex. The formal term for "eating pussy is cunnilingus." Cunnilingus is an oral sex act performed by a person on a female's clitoris and other parts of the vagina. Derrick is funny and has some hilarious quotes like,"It's not about the triangle." He says: take your time, observe and talk during sex, take cues from her, establish a connection when you kiss and enjoy the dance. Watch this excellent and entertaining sex advice video. He loves oral sex! Why? He likes to control the pleasure of the woman. Derek says, "I don't need to get my dick sucked." He likes to be in charge of the timing and intensity of her orgasm. He wants her to beg a man to eat her pussy. Talking is essential to great sex."So if I do that again, are you going to hold your breath again?" "If you want legitimate interaction, don't be on fast forward," Derek says. I asked, "What makes a good kiss?" "It's all intention - having a good kiss is kind of like a dance." Derek's favorite position is girl on top. He likes giving eye contact and positioning her around during sex. To see more of Derek Pierce and other porn stars, check out my YouTube channel playlist

Lollapalooza Highlights 2015 - An Over 40 POV

This is a fun recap of my 3 day Lollapalooza experience. There are some really hilarious, emotional and disgusting moments in this clip. I know you enjoy this 'cause it's filled with pictures and videos.

I Need YOUR Opinion

I recently had professional photos taken for my media kit and website. I'd love to get your opinion on which one is your favorite shot. They were taken by my talented pal, Phil Goldman of Photographic Design.

 

I'm Vain And Ready For Battle

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I'm going to come right out and say this: I'm vain. Yup, call it what you want but I like to look youthful and sexy. I admit that it's an ongoing process since the sun, gravity, pollution, alcohol and many other factors are at war with my face. I'm constantly battling wrinkles, sun spots, and other age related appearance threatening demons. I'm the first to tell you that I get Botox and fillers to keep my face looking the best it can under the circumstances. That being said, it's counterproductive for me to leave the house without a sunscreen and moisturizer on my face. The problem I found when searching for the perfect blend of moisture and sunscreen is that a lot of the creams cause blemishes and make my face look white, greasy, or pasty. This is not the look I'm going for!Guess what? I found my favorite everyday face cream with a SPF 30 sunscreen. It's Pevonia Botanica's "Ligne Speciale Youth Renew Tinted Cream Spf 30." It's smooth, fragrant, and very lightly tinted to actually cause a subtle glow. This is the first product line that doesn't make me breakout or have any of the other nasty side effects which contain sunscreen.

I'm at Blogher 2015 Conference

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So the airplane ride from Chicago to NYC was a little scary because I happened to be sitting next to a girl who was clutching a vomit bag. She announced that she had been puking all morning. I avoided the potential exposure to Sars by moving to a different seat, but had another negative experience when I went to the bathroom. The flight attendant in first class informed me that she would need to "have a word with me." Yikes, I felt like I was being sent to the principal's office. She wasn't happy with me going to the bathroom when the pilot was in there. I somehow should've known not to go near that area when he's taking a leak. She told me it wasn't funny even though I wasn't laughing.

The trip became much more fun when I had ice cream for lunch and then met all these new people at the bar at Milos. It's a tad (ok a lot) expensive, but delicious even though I could only afford a salad. The martini was great, bartender Natalia was terrific. I love meeting funny and lively new peeps!

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After that I was able to catch a Broadway show with Sutton Foster called, "Wild Party." That was an incredible sexy show! I snuck the pic below at the end of the show. Brandon Victor Dixon is an amazing actor and a hottie!

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I'm learning so much at this conference. I'm in NYC and there are so many friendly, funny, and enlightening people here. I found out that being vulnerable and sharing my life with you - the reader is a good thing. I may share too much but that's ok right? Here are some pics from the conference so far. Soledad O'brien and Gwyneth Paltrow were phenomenal speakers! More to come...

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What's Your Zodiac Sign? What's The Sexiest Astrological Sign?

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To find out the answers to the questions in the title -watch my video with astrology guru Cheryl Kaminski. Cheryl and I talk about why I had no choice about my career which focuses on SEX. Why? Because it is written all over my astrological chart. Scorpio is the sexual sign of the zodiac - everyone knows that. Apparently Pluto (ruled by Scorpio) is where my career is located, and I have a lot of Scorpio action in my 8th house which is career. So basically it's no wonder that I focus on talking about sex rather than cooking. I'm also a terrible cook so that's a good thing. I learned which are the best signs in the bedroom. If you're an Aries, you'll want sex anytime and anywhere in your house, swinging from the rafters or chained to a wall. The problem is Aries men can get too excited and sex may end too soon. Aries men should check out Promescent a product I reviewed to make men last longer in bed in this video: Cougar Hot Tips: How Men Can Last Longer In Bed To purchase Promescent, click here. If you're a Taurus, you're into foreplay. Geminis like to think about sex a lot before going right at it and Capricorns tend to be boring in bed. Libras love romance and need to have the right lighting in bed and we all know that Scorpios rule in the sack. Scorpios also are mysterious which is a turn on for most people as well.

Find out a little of each zodiac sign in this hilarious and entertaining video. If you'd like to have your chart interpreted by Cheryl, comment here on this video leaving your first name, date and time of birth, place of birth and if you know that info on your partner, leave that here too. Unfortunately we can only get to a few charts.

To see part one of my interview on astrology, Zodiac Signs, Sex, George Clooney, Channing Tatum & KarenLee , click here.

The Complete Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There

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Close your eyes and recall your very first “official date.” Was it back in junior high school or after college? Visualize the total experience, where did it take place? Were you excited to be with him/her or was it more of a chance to try “dating?” Were you comfortable being with him or was it awkward? Did you have dates that turned into relationships or were you more of a serial dater?

Other than accepting a boy’s I.D. bracelet in sixth grade, my first “official date” was in high school. The subsequent dates were more about the perks of dating versus boys that I enjoyed being with. These guys came with benefits such as; I’d have a date for the Homecoming Dance, or because his dad let him drive the bright green Cadillac. Senior year I started dating a guy named, Tommy who was actually fun to be with, but had an added bonus of being a college boy at Northwestern. It held a lot of value until I myself left for college. Being free to date in college, experimenting sexually, and falling in love changed the landscape of dating for me. Meeting my husband and getting married right out of college, put an end to my dating, or did it?

Fast-forward your mental slideshow 10-30 years. Call to mind your first date as a widow or divorcee with kids and an ex-husband.

What was that first date like for you? Did you get fixed up or did he ask you out after meeting you in a bar? Were you feeling the same awkwardness as you did back in high school? Was your confidence level the same or different dating this time around?

My lack of dating in my 20s and 30s had its pluses and minuses when it was time for me to get back out there. On one hand, I had plenty of self-confidence having never experienced rejection. On the other hand, I was naïve and therefore vulnerable - akin to a lamb going off to slaughter. I didn’t know the little nuances of being single such as; you don’t have to talk to a boring stranger at a bar for an hour if he buys you a drink, or you don’t have to give your phone number out just to be polite. Blind dates never made me nervous. I never worried that the guy wouldn’t call me for a second date; rather I worried as to how I could let him down without hurting his feelings.  I wasn’t in a hurry to find a “new husband,” as much as I was interested in having some fun and companionship. Each one of us has a unique history of dating both early on and after a relationship dissolves. It’s up to us to remember this because all these past memories, thoughts and feelings have shaped us.

Recall the difficulties that occurred in your last relationship.

I’m sorry to tell you, but you played a part in those issues, and unless you realize what it was, it’ll likely recur. There are always two sides to every story, find out what the other side to your story may have been by doing some self-reflecting and/or see a therapist.

Find out why you chose the person you married. Did you think he had problems that would change after you tied the knot? Did you see the red flags from day one? Were you a victim of someone with a shotgun forcing you to marry a crazy lunatic, or were you attracted to a certain trait or did he just not meet your expectations. My husband loved to gamble and took a lot of risks. From business decisions, to online poker, to driving recklessly at times, he loved to gamble. Years after he passed away, I realized that my boyfriend had those same tendencies. I had to accept him the way he is, and as the Billy Joel song goes, “I love you just the way you are.” Looking back at your last marriage or relationship, did you “grow apart,” and what can you do to make sure you “grow together” in the next relationship.

Close your eyes again –visualize what kind of person you want to be on a physical and mental level.

Are you that person? What can you do to become that image? One of my favorite Buddhist quotes is, “What you think, you become.” Make it happen! Go to the gym, see a shrink, get a new job, style your hair, and/or join a charitable organization and make your vision a reality. It’ll help your confidence level immensely. Men love confident, happy and independent women. You’ll have more power to choose the man rather than settling for who chooses you.

Create a mental list of people who can help spread the word that you’re ready to date?

People are not mind readers. Don’t assume that friends, co-workers and family members know that you’re ready to get back out there. They need to have seeds planted that you’re available, and it would be a good thing for them to fix you up with someone. I highly recommend that you try online dating or a dating service. You must find single friends of either sex to go out with. Don’t shy away from going out alone to the local bar, and making friends with the bartender. He can tell you who’s single and who’s married. He’ll let you know the truth about the guys hitting on you. I’ve had a married man tell me he’s single only to be outed by the bartender. Making “New” single friends and Keeping the “Old” married ones -like the Brownie Troupe motto goes - is one of the most essential parts to being single and happy. You’ll need to have a group of singles, so if one’s busy, there will be others to choose from. The new friends can help you with your passions or careers and other aspects besides socializing. It’s networking at it’s finest! I’ve connected with some fantastic women who’ve shared their friends with me. Forming new relationships with single women who’ve gone through similar life altering circumstances can be comforting and enlightening. You can also meet new single friends through charity and religious organizations. Social media sites like Facebook are also great resources for making new connections.

Picture yourself on a date. What do you look like?

Would you run a marathon without getting in shape both physically and mentally? Of course not! If you’re serious about finding a partner, you need to be prepared. Be confident about your physical appearance. Thankfully you aren’t competing with 20 something year old bodies - your competition is fighting gravity and aging just like you. Everyone has grey hairs and stretch marks. My friend Toni says, “Those are your natural tattoos.” You need to choose to either do something about the extra flab around your waste or embrace it. If certain things like discolored teeth and a few wrinkles bother you, sell some stuff on EBAY and you’re your teeth whitened and a shot of Botox. It’s worth it if it gives you confidence. As far as your mental state, therapy is the best present you can give yourself. There are agencies that have sliding scales if cost is a deterrent. The other easy solution to feeling great mentally is getting your natural endorphins going with an exercise regimen. Find something you love doing; running, cycling, yoga or zumba, and put it into your week as a high priority. The endorphin rush will help revitalize you, and put you in a great mood (at least for 45 minutes afterwards.) Use the Internet and watch videos on (here comes a plug) YouTube like The KarenLeePoter Show. Go to the library, there are whole sections on self-help.

Envision signing a contract to never date a married man.

Make this a rule and if you think you are vulnerable to falling for one, tell your friends and have them make you accountable. I have personally been victim to someone who said seven years ago that he was getting divorced, and is still married today. Another married guy claimed to have been a widower, until a mutual friend told me that she was alive and kicking. Unfortunately the world is full of married men preying on single women. Here are some reasons why being with a married man is a no win situation; you aren’t a home wrecker, you wouldn’t want that to happen to you, and he’ll probably cheat on you. You have to be number one and have self-respect or no one will respect you.

Create a list of dos and don’ts on first dates. Here are some suggestions:

Do be honest, be yourself, and look happy. No matter how bad your day is going, turn it around and be positively radiant. If you don’t think you look good, force a smile on your face. This will work wonders. Don’t allow text only conversations before a date. Talk at least once to make sure he’s legit. Don’t reveal too much about yourself before or on the first date. Do think of it as fun and not as a job interview. Don’t be negative. Nobody wants to hear about the hostility you have for your ex-spouse. Don’t have sex on the first date, unless you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do. Do ask questions and listen to the answers. This will provide you with the information you need about his past and a possible future with you. Don’t drink too much. Do use good table manners, yes it’s common sense, but needs to be said. Don’t answer your cell phone unless it’s a necessity- if you need to have it with you, put it on silent. No texting either unless it’s an emergency. Do give good eye contact and warm body language. Do offer to pay for the bill or at least split it. Do remember to thank the person for the date no matter how it turns out Do be polite to the waiter or bartender. Your date is watching you too.

Be alert to RED flags on the first date. These are some actual statements - I kid you not:

“I want to be upfront with you, I had prostrate cancer and if we have sex, you’ll need to press a button on a penis pump that I wear.” “I would only date someone who can help me pay my mortgage.” “I won’t be able to kiss you tonight because I have a giant cancer sore in my mouth. I also am on medication for depression and anxiety.” “My ex is a c@*!t.” “I’m not working right now because I’m waiting for my Dad to pass away at which point I’ll inherit a lot of money.”

Plan your “How Stella Got Her Groove On” night ahead of time.

Only go to this step if you plan on being in a monogamous relationship. You deserve to be more than a one-night stand no matter how long it’s been since you last had sex. Don’t worry about being naked. Your partner will be naked too. Everyone is self-conscious and that’s why Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, and the dimmer switch to go with it. Wear sexy lingerie! Men are visual creatures, and the image of you in a teddy will linger long after this night. Speaking from past experience, test-drive the lingerie especially if it has a lot of hooks. I had a particularly stressful experience with “thigh highs.” Prepare for the night in advance. If possible set the mood with candles, massage oil, condoms, and get rid of the kids. A quick note about condoms - use them no matter what your partner says. If he says he hasn’t had sex in 20 years with any one other than his wife, wear a condom anyway.  If he says he was living in a monastery in Tibet, wear a condom anyway. Don’t trust anyone until you see the lab report that says he is clean. A friend of mine found out the hard way when a guy didn’t divulge that he had herpes.

Be honest with your partner about your fears and/or anxieties about sex. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about this, don’t have sex ‘cause you’re not ready. Communication is the key to having great sex. You don’t need to point out your C-section scars the first time, but you need to express any concerns that may prevent you from having an enjoyable experience. As your relationship progresses, you will need to feel comfortable enough to attempt different positions, role play or tell him/her what uniquely pleases you. This can only be done (unless he’s psychic) if it’s communicated. Please remember that things are different now than back in the hippie days. This means that you’ll need to trim the hair on your private parts. If you’ve never done it, you may find that it’s surprisingly erotic. Being clean and groomed will add to feeling sexy and confident.

Think about your sexual needs. Are you capable of having a “friend with benefits?”

Many newly single people go through a period of renewed adolescence. This can last anywhere from four months to 40 years. After being in a long-term relationship or marriage, being single can be lonely and one way to comfort yourself is through physical affection – simply put you’re horny and you want to have sex. Being able to have sex with whomever you want is a major perk to being single. This sudden unleashing of sexual restrictions can be liberating as long as it’s done safely. There are problems that can occur both physically and psychologically if you jump into sex without thinking of the consequences. Think about how you felt the first time you lost your virginity. A lot of the feelings of anxiety and excitement are similar when you pop your cherry the second time around. You may be more confident about sex now than at nineteen, but sex is still a very intimate activity and your feelings may get hurt as a result. I found this new found sexual freedom it be exciting, but on a few occasions depressing. A friend with benefits is all that you may want or can handle if you’re newly single. You may be so overwhelmed with your new life that anything more than a sexual relationship would be too complicated. If you have great sex with this person, you may end up fantasizing that this may turn into more. Friends with benefits may work, but you both need to be of a similar mindset. This is no easy feat, and communicating is key once again.

Realize the advantages and disadvantages of texting and sexting.

We didn’t grow up texting. Texting is much easier than having to pick up the phone or have a discussion in person. It’s also easier to be misunderstood and the problem is that once the text is out there, you can’t take it back. It sometimes ends up going to the wrong Adam or Kevin (oops.) I’ve personally read, and re-read a text several times trying to get to the deeper meaning, only to find out that there wasn’t one.

Sexting takes it one step further. Sexting is sending naked pictures or writing provocative texts in emails or on cell phones. It can be a lot of fun, and it also can get you into a lot of trouble. Sexting can give you a false sense of closeness since it’s easy to be brazen when you only have to press a few buttons. Be careful of what you send that can come back and bite you in the butt. If you send a nude picture and get into a fight with that person, you may find that photo on someone’s Facebook wall. I’ve seen this happen on at least two occasions.

Close those eyes one more time, and envision the person with whom you’d want to ride off with into the sunset.

What does he look, sound, or act like? Now open your eyes. If that person isn’t standing in front of you, it’s because he doesn’t exist. There is no perfect person out there. You need to come to the realization that the Prince isn’t going to come riding in on a white horse and sweep you off your feet. You are going to have to compromise (not settle) on what you want. If having great character is important, then you may not get the gorgeous multimillionaire. You may get the shorter than you’d like sweetheart of a guy. On the other hand, you should never accept a man because he has two arms, two legs and a penis. If you’re looking for a “Sugar Daddy,” you may not get a great companion. You may happen to fall in love with someone of a completely different religion, race or age. Try to think out of the box. Back to me: I’m currently dating a man who’s years younger than me. This was NOT something I was actively seeking when we met. Try to be open to being with someone different who you really click with and then go for it.

Hot Off The Press: Get Your Copy Of My Book!

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I'm so excited to announce that my book, "A Cougar's Guide To Getting Your Ass Back Out There," is here! Get your copy of this life changing book. Learn why my new definition of the term Cougar is a confident, older, unique, genuine, assertive and racy woman. Read personal letters and see photos of my life as a shy girl who emerged to become a strong and  confident woman. Find out how I've overcome huge obstacles, maintained a sense of humor, and found love again. It's all in this guide which will take you on a step by step journey to physical, emotional, and sexual empowerment. Click the book below and after you read it, please write a review on Amazon. Enjoy!

4, 3, 2, 1 Recap In New York City

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This past Mother's Day weekend was one of the best. Why? Because I spent the weekend in New York City with my favorite (and only) daughter, Jessica. Jessica has been obsessed with musical theater since she was five years old. An example of her enthusiasm for the theater: she won a show tunes trivia contest at age eleven on a cruise ship against several women in their 50s. Jess currently lives in Los Angeles and found a ridiculously cheap rate to fly in for a week to our hometown, Chicago. I decided to sweeten the pot and suggested using miles to fly us to NYC. We used Magellan Luxury Hotels to find a hotel. If they find a lower rate, they adjust your price per night. My rate went down twice! We thought we were staying in Times Square, but oops, I made the res for the Grand Hyatt. It worked out great - it's just a typical KarenLee Poter move to book the wrong hotel. Here's the 4,3,2,1 Recap of our phenomenal weekend in New York City:

  • 4 Amazing Broadway Shows: 1) "Fish in the Dark" - Larry David's Broadway debut! Really funny & a great combo of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld. Great acting with similar characters as the two TV shows. Stood in a mass of crazy fans and waited to meet Larry after the show. I asked him if he had advice for any budding standup comic. His response: "Yeah, tell him to pick a different career." IMG_1817IMG_1793 IMG_1883 IMG_19342) "Something Rotten" - Our favorite due to it being so irreverent and funny. It references minimally 30 different musicals. The music is fun and goofy. The acting, singing and dancing is amazing. I think it should win the Tony for best musical and Brian d'Arcy James should win best actor - just saying. 3) "Fun Home" - my least fav of the four, but it's still really well done. It takes on two heavy-duty topics: suicide and lesbians. The two women next to me were crying, hugging and making out afterwards. I literally had to interrupt their embrace to allow my daughter to get to the bathroom since there was no intermission. Once again, terrific acting and music make this a really good Broadway show. 4) "Hand To God" - one word: INSANE! I can't express how bizarrely funny yet emotional this play is. It tackles subjects like religion, the devil made me do it, and self- mutilation - in a humorous way. Did I mention puppets are involved? The Steven Boyer and Geneva Carr also should win Tonys if I had a say in this year's awards.
  • 3 Delicious Meals: Russ and Daughters a family-owned shop of high-end smoked fish, caviar & New York-style specialty foods since 1914. Orgasmic is the first word that comes to mind after biting into this lox and bagel delight. We even met Mark Russ the owner. We went to Nino's 46  for some pre-theater dinner great Italian cuisine. We ate Mac and Cheese bites and Orecchiette with wood roasted chicken. Ok, I admit this wasn't on my raw foods diet, but what the heck, I was on vacation! Radiance Tea House had some of the finest dumplings I've ever tasted. We ordered too much food , so we took a to-go bag of baby eggplant with chili and gave it to a hungry guy on the street. One sad thing I noted was that Mr. Softee Ice Cream is no longer in NYC. Apparently they've been bought out.   
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  • 2 Chicks Singing:  We rarely spend any ALONE time so we did some mom/daughter bonding, walking and singing. Yup, we ended up in two bars. The first, Whitman & Bloom is a cute bar where one of Jessica's friends - IMG_1856Casey Breve sang as his father played the piano. Casey is a contender on next season's America's Got Talent. Make sure to watch him because he truly has talent. Here is a link to his latest single. Jessica and her friends took turns singing with Casey. It was an awesome night. The other bar is one of Jessica's favorites - Marie's Crisis. This is a crazy venue where throngs of people sing show tunes (full soundtracks) at the top of their lungs around a piano. It's a trip!
  • 1 Dead Rat: Yes, we found one dead rat while walking down the street.
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Does Your Vagina Have A Personal Trainer? Read This!

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If I tell you that I have a personal trainer who has made a world of difference in my abs and butt muscles, you'll listen up - right? So listen up: I'm hear to tell you about a personal trainer for a private area that is very important and rarely discussed - YOUR VAGINA! She's not a live person, in fact she's only about two inches long, but boy does she work wonders! I've always heard about kegel muscles and how important it is to strengthen them, but had no clue what this meant. That all ended when I tried, Lelo's Luna Smart Bead. It is a game changer! In a few short weeks I've advanced from beginner to intermediate kegel muscle pro. I hope to be at the advanced level soon!LELO_Femme-Homme_LUNA-SMART-BEAD_product-1_pink_1 How does this very personal trainer work? You insert the sleek Luna Smart Bead in your vagina as instructed for five minutes a day. Upon insertion you'll feel a vibration which means it's time to squeeze your vagina, and then relax after the vibration stops. Lelo calls this "personalized pleasure training." Basically you contract and relax through an easy-to-follow routine that is touch-sensored. She's battery operated and waterproof too!

There are several reasons why you should follow the guidance of your vagina personal trainer. The major benefit I find is that my orgasms are stronger. It's also easier to reach a climax and enables me to be in a more sexual mood. Your partner will feel the difference as well - especially years after childbirth and the earth's gravitational pull. Another benefit - you'll have more bladder control! No more laughing and peeing at the same time! You'll probably save money on panty liners. Find out more in this fun video: My Vagina's Personal Trainer - Kegel Exercises 101. Purchase your Lelo Luna Smart Bead - click here

A Cougar's Committed Relationship

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A Cougar’s Committed Relationship - Seven Years Later, Still Going Strong “Love is like a virus, it can happen to anybody at anytime.” Maya Angelou

I'm a cougar. I'm also a widow. May 16, 2006, my husband of 24 years was tragically killed, and I became single at the ripe old age of 47. I was happily married to my husband, who was only a year older than me, and wasn't aware that I had the "cougar gene" in me until his death. After an intense period of mourning, I decided I needed male companionship, but wasn't ready to jump into a "serious" relationship. The term “cougar” implies an older woman on the prowl for her prey - a “cub” or much younger man. I wasn’t “on the prowl”; in fact the young men pursued me. Although it was fun, I was completely unprepared for the flirting and aggressive questions that I encountered from men in their twenties and thirties, such as, “How long has it been since you’ve had sex?” or “Have you ever done it with another girl?” I had been in the "married" world most of my adult life, and never went through the dating scene. I have to admit, it was very flattering to be "hit on" by younger men.  My daughter aged 22 informed me that an older man pursuing a girl in her twenties is considered “creepy.” Conversely, there seems to be an unwritten code in the 21st century that promotes younger men being with older women. These young cubs had confidence, a full head of hair, muscular bodies, and dressed well.  At clubs, they bought us drinks and offered us seats at their VIP tables with bottle service. In one instance, a wealthy younger man who was interested in me actually paid a bouncer to keep annoying guys away from one of my friends. I was initially very naïve, and didn't realize that you don’t give your cell phone number to every guy who asked, because you’ll get texted or called at 4 am.  On more than one occasion, a guy would call asking intrusive questions about my sexual fantasies or describe in a text how great sex would be with him. Guys would beg me to send naked photos (I never did), or occasionally texted unsolicited pictures of their proudly displayed penises.

Why would a guy in his late 20's or early 30's want someone who's older with three kids and stretch marks? Why not choose the younger nubile bodies of girls their age? I asked a few of my younger men what their reasons were, and they'd say, “Older women are hot.” My guess is that they were attracted to my confidence, and the lack of pressure that I placed on them to be involved in a relationship. I didn't want to get married, I didn't want their money, and I certainly didn't want to have their babies. All I wanted was to have fun. Knowing that these were not going to be long-term relationships made it simple, and enjoyable at a time when my life was frequently unstable.

Going out with men my age was a different ballgame. Often this required me to listen to stories of wicked exes and the massive amounts of money they lost paying alimony and child support.  Many of the guys had negative feeling towards women after being in failed marriages. Additionally, keeping in shape and well groomed didn’t seem to be a high priority for many older gents. There weren’t a lot of widowers in their 40’s, so most available men are either divorced or have never been married. To summarize, I found younger guys to be more desirable. They hadn’t been married, and had more positive untainted views of women than their older divorced male counterparts.

This was my life as an “untamed” cougar from Chicago, IL until I met Steve. This tall, handsome, 33-year-old man wasn’t looking to be involved in a relationship and neither was I.  Our worlds collided on February 29, 2008 - a leap year, when my friend Susie and I crashed Steve’s company’s private party at “The Pink Elephant” in New York City. We were only in New York for one night, and what began as idol flirting turned into an intense attraction. Neither of us could have predicted that our long distance relationship would survive the many obstacles ahead. Steve’s devotion to me and his strong character are what attracted me to him. He’s told me on more than one occasion that what he loves most about me is my upbeat personality. We thoroughly enjoy each other’s company and respect one another. Age is only a number in our eyes.

Are there challenges due to big age differences? Yes! I think a main issue can be is if a couple’s life goals are different. Thankfully, we seem to want the same things. In our case, I didn’t want any more children, and I made that clear from day one. Steve has stated that having children wasn’t a deal breaker for him. He’s always put my three children’s needs before his own, and that generosity of spirit is another of his endearing qualities. We have gone through different life passages, and we’re aware that we’ll need to continually address this together as a team. We enjoy many similar interests such as music, comedy, and travel.

Introducing a much younger man, as your boyfriend was no easy task. For instance, when a man of my age found out that I was dating Steve, some sort of macho/defensive armor arose and remarks such as; “Are you going to babysit him?” or “Do you change his diapers?” were not uncommon. Women sometimes were equally rude, and called him my “Boy Toy.” My parents were concerned that he would leave me when I started, “looking old.” His parents initially had no desire to meet me stating, “You’re wasting your time with her, since she won’t give us grandchildren.” Over the years, our family and friends have witnessed our love and devotion and now accept and appreciate us as a committed couple.

There’s a 50% divorce rate in the United States, and no guarantees that any relationship will last. For the past seven years, we’ve overcome two huge obstacles; long distance and a large age gap, and this in itself would indicate the strength of our relationship. Is he going to leave me when I “look old”? He’s probably no more likely to leave me than any same aged man would leave a partner if she “looked old.”  Do we argue and have normal relationship problems just like any other couple? Of COURSE!  Will I miss out on “the golden years” when my age group retires, and Steve is at the height of his career? My answer: He’ll keep me young! Steve explained it best once when a friend taunted him about being with me. The friend asked, “Steve, why would you want to be with an old lady?” He replied, “Karen has a young spirit and I’m attracted to that.” Will he resent me for not having his child? Again Steve said it best, “If I’m having as much fun with Karen in ten years as I do now, then all the sacrifices will be worth it.”

Read more about my life as a "COUGAR"  Watch videos on my YouTube channel: The KarenLeePoterShow

A New Cougar Has Emerged

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A New COUGAR Has Emerged“A lot of people perceive women as sexy based on their outer appeal. But there’s no way to mistake if a woman is confident.” ~ Trey Songz.

There’s always a window of opportunity, it’s just whether you’re ready to open it.  I had been single for about a year and a half after my husband’s sudden death. The first six months were devastating and filled with grief.  Once the cloud of sadness began to lift, I embarked on my journey of finding my new self! I was still a mother, sister, daughter and friend, but I was no longer a wife. I found this to be scary yet liberating. I realized that dwelling on the past was a waste of time. Time took on a new meaning and importance.

Who was I? I had a need to discover my passions and improve the person who I had ignored for the past few decades by focusing on my family. I loved being a wife and full-time mother of three, but it was now MY time. I realized that going out to dinner with my married friends was comforting, but I needed more excitement. I discovered that trying to date the single men who I had known for years was not going to work. I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone and into the unknown singles world.

I took an inventory of my mental and physical assets and deficits. I found that exercise helped me in both areas.  Reading self-help books and seeing a therapist were both beneficial, but talking to other widows and divorcees was what I craved. They gave me tips from their years of dating as an older chick. I loved the attention I received when I went to singles bars. I felt like a teenager, with an added bonus, which was the experience I obtained from having been in a successful marriage. I loved myself and had been loved

I ventured out with single women and enjoyed the freedom that comes with being unattached. I felt comfortable talking to guys as they approached me in restaurants or bars. I wasn’t looking for my next husband. I was just out to have FUN and find a companion or two along the way.  My secret to my becoming this free spirited woman can be summed up in one word: C.O.U.G.A.R.

No, I wasn’t looking to de-flower young innocent men as the stigma implied. I was evolving into a confident, older, unique, genuine, assertive, and racy woman. I felt confident in the knowledge that I was a good, intelligent, fun person with many attributes. I was older and wise with experience in multiple areas such as; marriage, family, travel, work, and sex. I focused on my unique positive qualities and pushed aside my insecurities. I refused to miss an opportunity to meet a new man by waiting for him to approach me. I was assertive and initiated conversations in coffee shops, gyms, and grocery stores without hesitation. Men seemed to be attracted to me because of the energy that I exuded. Did I dress sexy and youthful? Hell Yes! Was I comfortable talking to men about any racy subject? Of course I was. I decided that the race, religion or age of the men I met was not going to be a factor in my quest for companionship. I didn’t look for a man who fit societal norms. I was completely reliant on my intuition. This was very empowering. Were younger and older men attracted to the woman I had become? What do you think? A new Cougar had emerged.

Check out my videos about older women dating on my YouTube Channel: The KarenLee Poter Show. Read further about my definition of COUGAR on my website.

Choose Your Face Over Your Ass

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Are you over 40 and still trying to be ultra thin? Here are 10 reasons why you should think twice. I've always agreed with my sorority sister’s favorite saying, "You can never be too skinny or too rich." I rationalized that being uber rich might have its problems, but I would deal with them while traveling throughout the world on my yacht. However, as I passed my 40th birthday marker, I began to question, "Can you be too skinny?" I looked in the mirror and concluded that her theory on never being too skinny had some serious drawbacks. Sure, when you're super skinny, you'll be able to fit into your bikini from 1975, and slide into your size two jeans with ease, but these advantages come at the expense of something far more valuable — YOUR FACE!

After a certain age, you will need to make THE CHOICE. What's more important…your face or your ass? After extensive personal research, I've determined that my face is by far the winner. Click here for a video demonstration, and read on to discover ten reasons why you should choose your face vs your bum.

1) You can see it in your face. Has this chain of events ever happened to you? You step on the bathroom scale, see a weight loss of a few pounds, leap in the air with excitement, go to the grocery store, bump into a friend and she exclaims, “Wow you lost weight, I see it in your face?" Your face is always the first place that looks thinner, not your thighs, waist or butt. Your mug looks longer, creases form on your cheeks, and the skin under your chin starts to sag. You appear older — not the look you were going for.

2) Big butts do not lie. We are now in the age of the Beyonce & Kardasian butts. These two women have revolutionized the whole "Does my butt look fat question." People are even getting butt implants! This is life altering for those of us who've always tried to minimize their derriere. Thank you, Beyonce for making it a plus to have a plus sized prime beef rump roast.

3) Say no to bony butts. Along with the aesthetic value of a bigger butt, it helps to have a little extra padding there if you happen to fall down. As we get older, a boney bum can turn into a broken tailbone if you happen to slip on some ice. A little cushioning provided by a few pounds can help soften the blow and save you a lot of physical therapy.

4) Fillers are painful. Botox and other fillers for your face are costly and painful. Having a little fullness in the face gives a smoother look with fewer wrinkles. You can avoid the frequent trips to the dermatologist by eating that extra piece of pizza and letting your face enjoy the benefits.

5) Say no to plastic surgery. To take it one step further, you'll be able to postpone a facelift or other surgical procedures that tighten your skin. You also won’t walk around looking as if you are perpetually surprised or resemble Kim Novak on the Academy Awards 2014.

6) Your face is the most important part of your body. Your face is what people look at 90% of the time. Who walks around backwards? As long as your job isn't a docent at the museum and you're not inclined to do the moonwalk, your face is what's seen the majority of the time. You'll want it to look as smooth and wrinkle free as possible.

7) Eating is a pleasurable experience. You will be able to enjoy a good meal with friends rather than splitting a side salad and drooling over everyone else's entree. What could be more frustrating than eating a few pieces of lettuce and a green bean while everyone is gobbling up their scrambled eggs and bacon? Your face will have a big smile on it when it’s well nourished.

8) It takes too much time and energy to be on a diet. You won't have to plan your meals in advance and be in a constant state of hunger. Your face will not have a constant frown with worry lines from the stress of not eating enough green leafy vegetables and indulging in too many carbs. You can sleep comfortably and won't have nightmares about eating a piece of cheesecake.

9) Choosing your face will definitely help your mood. You won't be irritable and stressed about gaining a pound or two. People won't be bored listening to what your latest fad diet is and how much weight you've lost. You'll be a happier person — and so will they!

10) Having a flat ass doesn’t help your sex life. Your partner might hurt his hand giving a little love tap to your boney bum. Some men say, "The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin." Yes, men seem to like a fuller bottom.

So, what's it going to be? Do you want to live your life, trying to look like a runway model with an eating disorder, or would you rather pinch a little more than an inch and enjoy your youthful plump face. The choice is yours! Don't forget what Sir Mix-a-Lot says, "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

How Important Is The First Kiss? Hint: Very

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My mother always told me, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince." I thought she meant that it's a numbers game when it comes to finding the right man, but I now realize she meant the kiss part literally. You need to KISS a lot of men to find out if they are compatible smoochers before deciding on who should share your throne. A recent Huffington Post article stated, "Past studies have also affirmed the idea that smooching is a way to vet future mates." A CNN Health report indicated that kissing is an important determiner in the process of mate choice. That first kiss has always been the major factor in whether I went out with a guy again. Sometimes I'd expect an average kiss and be pleasantly surprised by his smooth delicious lip locking. Unfortunately, there were other times when I expected an amazing make out session that ended with me completely grossed out by his lack of passion or the clueless nature of how he kissed. Taking it one step further, you can determine how selfish/generous, passionate/dull, hostile/sweet, or humorous/boring a man is simply by the way he kisses. Does he tease you with his tongue or leave his lips locked on yours with the excitement of a soap dish?

My first experience with kissing was very anxiety provoking. I was eleven years old at a coed over night camp. One morning, I overheard some kids saying that we'd be playing Spin The Bottle that evening. I was excited at the prospect of my first kiss, until I realized that I had no idea how to kiss. I went into panic mode and decided I would need to practice on something. The only thing I found was a can of bug repellent. I frantically rolled my lips onto the can. Later that evening, we played the game and although the bottle landed on a guy with braces, I managed to have a fun time.

I have experienced my fair share of make-out sessions — the good, the bad and the slobbery. I remember kissing my boyfriend, turned husband, on the floor in front of a burning fireplace. He stopped at one point to say, "I can kiss you for two weeks straight," and then we continued for at least another two hours. I have had instances where I couldn't stop kissing a guy even in public places like restaurants or taxis. Conversely, I've had horrible uncomfortable kissing sessions where I wasn’t sure if he was giving me a kiss or swabbing my throat for a strep culture. Furthermore, I'm a firm believer that if the guy can't kiss, he probably can't do a lot of other important things in the bedroom.

If kissing is so important, why don't we get lessons on the art of kissing? Etched in my mind is an extremely sexy scene from television's Boston Legal, in which Julie Bowen teaches Mark Valley how to kiss. He wonders why he's able to get first dates, but never the second. She says, "There’s a certain amount of gentility in kissing." He later says he doesn’t like when a woman's tongue goes into his mouth. She responds, "This is why you're the worst kisser in the history of the planet."

Here are three scenarios of the importance of being an magnificent kisser: Someone fixes you up with a great guy. You meet at a local restaurant on the first date. It's an enjoyable evening and the guy is kind of cute. You don't notice any red flags. You leave the restaurant and he walks you to your car. He leans in for a kiss.

He sensually presses his lips against yours and gently touches your tongue with his. He smells great and his breath tastes sweet. Your tongues do a little tango, and you feel a little jolt all the way down your body.

He holds your head between his hands and gives you a very passionate, sensual tasty kiss sliding his tongue into your mouth. You like his assertiveness, and you feel your heart race as you kiss him back with gusto.

He plunges his tongue into your mouth, swishes it around, drool drips from the sides of his mouth. His saliva gets all over your lips, as his teeth knock awkwardly against yours. You feel like a St. Bernard has just slobbered all over you.

What can you do to improve your kissing ability? Here’s the most important tip to giving her the kiss that will make her melt. It’s a dance. Follow her lead, start slow and tune into the pace of your partner. Taste her tongue and lips as if you were savoring a piece of your favorite pie. Mimic her movements and mirror the way she touches your teeth and gums. Be playful, sensual, and romantic. If you put your tongue in her mouth, and she follows your lead, you’re on the path to inheriting the throne. Is the first kiss really that important? You bet your regal lips it is!

Good Relationships Take Three Trimesters

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Everyone knows it takes three trimesters to hear the first cries of a newborn baby. But did you know it takes three trimesters to give birth to a real solid relationship? Unfortunately, the time frame is different. Good relationships don’t necessarily take nine months; they may take nine years for your delivery. First Trimester: Like the feelings you have when you find out you’re pregnant, the initial surge of excitement when you connect with someone is intense and euphoric. The first few dates are heart pounding and your hormone switch flips into high gear. You can’t wait to kiss that person at the end of a date. Your days are consumed by thoughts of the new guy/girl. You think this person is too good to be true and red flags are quickly overlooked or minimized. For example: Did he/she cheat on an ex before getting divorced? You easily come up with a rationale, such as: his ex was a “psycho,” or her ex was a “control freak.” You explain the cheating with, “Their marriage was on the rocks, and they were just staying together for the kids.” You overlook annoying behaviors like his obnoxiously loud laugh, or the way she sends her food back every time you go out to dinner.  The first trimester is a whirlwind of wild sex and passion that you can’t imagine ever changing. Everything he/she does is so cute! You start to believe that this person could be “The One.”

Second Trimester: The bun is cooking in the oven, and the reality of how life will change with your new baby is starting to hit home. You try not to go there, but you notice some flaws that seem to seep through that impenetrably perfect person.  For example: His snoring didn’t seem so loud at first, but now you’re wondering if you’ll need to take Ambien every time you have a sleepover. You never realized that if she didn’t make the plans for the evening, she would shut down all your ideas. You start to notice that what you thought was an isolated incident of his losing his temper when a car cut him off was really a horrible problem with road rage. The little things that were no big deal in the first trimester have started to really bother you. This person has begun to lose some footing on the pedestal that was once a solid granite nonslip pillar. You mentally start weighing the pros and cons of seeing him/her in the future.

Third Trimester: The little bundle of joy is about to arrive, and you’ve accepted the fact that life is going to be different. You begin to communicate and figure out how to deal with the small issues that annoy you about the other person. You focus on the positive aspects of the man/woman you’re dating. For example: You sleep in separate bedrooms on the nights you know he drank a few too many Johnny Walkers and will snore louder than a lawn mower. Conversely, there are character flaws that are intolerable and can’t be overlooked. She yells at you and humiliates you in public. You try talking to him about your feelings, and he storms out of the room and doesn’t call you for days. You find out that she cheated on you when she went skiing in Aspen. This is the make-it-or-break-it part of the pregnancy and determines the future of the relationship.

Giving birth to a real relationship is not easy and unlike the inevitability of a baby, you may decide to break up. It can be a stressful, uncomfortable, bumpy road, just like going through the aches and pains of carrying a baby. Is it worth it? Absolutely–everyone wants to find “The One.” You just need to go through all three trimesters until you feel that first slap on the tush.