WHEN WILL I FIND THE RIGHT ONE?? My Responses To Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What advice do you have for women who are skeptical about finding love because of their age?
A: There is no timeline for love! It happens when it’s supposed to happen. The most important thing for you is to find your passion and enjoy life to the fullest. Find out what is going to make YOU happy for the rest of your life regardless of whether or not a man (of any age) is going to be involved. Before entering into a relationship with anyone, you need to make yourself into the best person you can be, physically, mentally and spiritually. Why would you want a man who cares more about someone’s age rather than the person inside? Men are attracted to independent, confident women, not needy, desperate girls!
Q: How do you handle all your past negative experiences about dating and relationships?
A: A good dose of self-exploration and some therapy by a professional therapist or qualified clergy member, not a girlfriend who will just tell you what she thinks you want to hear, will serve you well as you explore your single hood. This will allow you to release a lot of past emotional baggage. Many women (and men) have fears of being alone and get sucked into a negative, “I’ll never find anyone” state. I think you need to stay positive and good things will happen when you least expect them! So on the practical side, you need to work out your body AND your mind. Increase your confidence and most of all, follow your gut instincts – they won’t let you down!
Q: How do you handle honesty about yourself and your past in a new relationship?
A: Many interactions, first dates and relationships can be disappointing. It’s up to you to share your feelings with someone with whom you might want a relationship. How? By adopting the new COUGAR mentality. Remember that you’ll need to be totally open, honest and confident if you want to move that relationship forward. He is LUCKY to have you, but if you withhold your feelings and don’t communicate your needs, you will not get the respect that you deserve.
Q: What advice would you give a woman who thinks that sharing her feelings and emotions makes her seem clingy and needy?
A: It’s a balance – you don’t want to suffocate a guy but you do need to let him know if you feel you aren’t being respected or appreciated. As Tucker Max, author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” says, “Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as ‘deserving respect’; you get what you demand from people.” If you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple!
Q: Can you share your thoughts on chemistry in a relationship. Can it grow over time?
A: I’d be lying if I said chemistry doesn’t matter. You feel that spark right at the beginning, and it could be based on looks, sense of humor or just a feeling. Sometimes a smell can be the most attractive thing about a man – you know what they say about pheromones.
Q: What can you say to women who have the tendency to idealize men and overestimate his feelings for her?
A: Red flags are not to be ignored! Guys who own their problems and seek help for them can be keepers. But those who are full of excuses or unresolved issues are going to be a bigger let down later on when those red flags rear their ugly heads. Better to get these issues out on the table right away so you don’t imagine something that’s just not there.
Q: What is your advice about when is the right time to bring sex into a relationship?
A: Have sex when it feels right. The right guy is going to want to continue seeing you regardless of spending time in the bedroom before the moment is right for you both.
Q: Can you share your feelings on how honesty might negatively affect your chances for a long term relationship?
A: I can’t stress how important it is to be honest right from the beginning. That doesn’t mean you need to bombard a guy on the first date about your unresolved issues, cheating, and other mistakes. But as soon as it makes sense, let him know who you are and who you have been. If he runs, better sooner than later. That being said, all human beings have behaviors that have the possibility of turning off a potential mate. That doesn’t mean, however, that those behaviors or habits can’t be altered, especially if you are able to communicate how they make you feel. Some of them might be deal breakers, and only you’ll know if change is realistic. Don’t ever think your man will just decide to change without guidance. Sometimes they just can’t, and it’s probably better to know that upfront. Accepting bad behavior from the beginning and then just expecting it to change later is not going to work. That goes along with faking an orgasm – don’t EVER do it! Let your guy know what your expectations and needs are and then lead by example. If the guy really cares about you, he is going to want to please you and compromise about the things that aren’t working for you. The cougar would rather be alone that stuck with a smelly fish!!
Q: What advice do you have for women who are dealing with a man who suddenly pulls away or has inconsistent behavior?
A: Sometimes relationships stall for reasons you never saw coming, but perhaps you were hiding your head in the sand or ignoring warning signs. Believe me, you will be better off without a guy with a commitment phobia. But there are cases where these issues can be resolved. That doesn’t mean guys get a “get out of jail” free pass just because they suffer from occasional cold feet. One time can be tolerated; after that, adios! Once again, instinct will serve you well.
Q: What are your 3 top relationship tips to offer single women looking for a long term, committed relationship?
A: Be honest, confident and allow your inner light to shine through. Be positive and don’t “look” for a relationship, be “open” to one. Having a sign that says “Stage 5 Clinger on your forehead is a sure fire way to send a date running for the hills. Give your boyfriend respect and expect to be treated the same way. Most important tip (okay, this is #4) – HAVE FUN!