My friend, Ronna asked, “Karen, how do I know if I had an orgasm?” Scratching my head, I asked, “Have you ever masturbated?”
Her response, “No, but I have great sex with my husband.”
I firmly stated, “Ronna, you need to have a selfish orgasm.”
Ronna’s expression was like a deer caught in a truck’s headlights.
I thought: Is it possible that a 32-year-old woman had never masturbated and achieved an orgasm? Are there others out there with the same lack of orgasmic experience? This is a tragedy! Men talk about masturbating all the time. You hear male comedians constantly referring to “rubbing one out” or “whacking off” without a moment’s hesitation. Women tend to keep their masturbation hidden. I love nothing more than bringing up the subject with my friends. There are some who talk openly about their favorite vibrators, but there are others who are mortified to broach the subject. I want to scream, “Women, come out of the closet!” No pun intended on the use of the word, “come.” I feel that orgasms deserve the same equality as equal pay. It’s the dawning of the selfish orgasm for women.
What does it mean to have a selfish orgasm? It’s about having a delicious mindful orgasm without thinking about anyone else. Having an orgasm without worrying what your partner is thinking or feeling is liberating. If you’re in charge of your orgasm, you can regulate the timing and intensity. You can use toys, read sexy books, or watch porn while enjoying a stress free purely self-absorbed experience. Fantasizing plays a huge part in the build up to an orgasm. It’s a lot easier to focus on this alone, rather than simultaneously trying to balance the needs of your partner. Checking out your vagina in a mirror while playing with yourself can be a huge turn-on as well as a learning experience. How will you know what really gets your motor going if you haven’t tried out your vehicle first? You have the owner’s manual and learning what makes you purr is an individual process. Additionally, if you want to enjoy the same orgasmic bliss with a partner, you’ll have to school him as to what works for you. Once you figure out those details, you can articulate them to him (or her.) If you currently don’t have a partner, it’s all the more reason to keep your body sexually tuned up.
Having a selfish orgasm is giving yourself the pleasure that you deserve. It’s time to enjoy the benefits of being a woman, so explore, enjoy, and explode. Watch my video, "Why Women Should Masturbate."